“Nigel”…

March 11, 2007

first I want to say thank you to jes, leah, mahima and gabrielle for commenting this past week. I feel guilty that I have not been commenting on blogs alot but I want you to know that I do appreciate your comments and take your words to heart. I will try to pop in more this week on the finding water front so I can find some of you . I picked up the book again this morning and finished up chapter 2? or is it 3..hmm…the chapters are kinda long! Anyhow, I thought it funny that JC named her inner critic, “nigel”. That just cracked me up. I love the way she describes the inner critic, how sly he/she is, how sometimes she’s silent, how she asks if the critic is someone’s voice inparticular. For me, it’s of course my Mother. I grew up with a very domineering (still is) Helga of a mother. Helga is what I call her…I guess I have my own nicknames! She was forever a perfectionist….always commenting on every little bit of thing I did wrong. I don’t want to turn this into a self pity party, as this is in the past, and I guess in retrospect, I am perhaps exhaggerating a bit and not giving her credit for what she did do right…but I digress…sorry for the mind dump today…anyhow, she is still the “voice” of guilt that criticizes me internally. I say “guilt” b/c I believe that guilt is probably the main emotion that drives my “nigel” or “helga” into successfully criticizing me off my creative path. I liked how Julia C. mentioned that the critique will remind you with each success that there is yet another bar you have not reached. She used the example of publishing a book..”well, you are a one book author” or “well, now you are a has-been and repeating yourself”….good examples. This example really spoke to me as I have been thinking of why I do art, where I’m going with it, and what really is the meaning of it all. For one, I am struggling still with the whole, “sell your art”, question. I’ve had people ask me to sell, encourage me to sell and just plain tell me I have to sell! Here are the things my “Nigel” tells me when I’m thinking this whole thing through…

1. I say, “ok, I’m going to do it this week, I’m going to sell some of these overflowing pieces in my studio and make room for new”.

Nigel replies: “you’ll be letting go of a part of yourself…why do you want to turn these pieces of yourself into money?”

2. Another converse scenario:

Me, “I need to let go of this art and sell some of it, after all, “real” artists sell their work”.

Nigel: “When people actually get your work, they won’t like it, so just don’t do it and you won’t have to worry about them not being satisfied”.

3. Me: I just want to give away my art, that makes me feel happy.

Nigel: “giving away your art is like saying you don’t value it and it’s not good enough.”

__________

Ok, so you see, here’s the struggle that continues to insue in my pea brain. In addition, I’m coupled with guilt that I even spend time thinking about all this! So, there it is. My mind dump for this week. I don’t think there is a pat answer for me here. I guess I should just keep giving it some time. In the meantime, I just wanna do art, that is what make me happy, I do it for me.

Nigel just said “isn’t that selfish”…

ok, what do you think? xo Lia 


Week 2: page 54/Dividing Rod exercise, write in 3rd person

March 1, 2007

Tool: become your own biographer. write about yourself in the 3rd person. p. 54

About a Girl

….she sits quietly on the couch, surrounded by her family. She feels the strain of the day weighing heavily in her heart and in her head. She is 42 years old but doesn’t remember when or how that happened so fast. The voice of her son and husband in the background are now indistinguishable…..he sounds so old….she recalls her visit to the Dr. with him yesterday for a checkup. She feels sad that she now has to “leave the room” half way through the appt. He is 17. half child. half man. She leaves the room and sits quietly in the waiting room, eyeing the precious little twins sitting on their parents lap. She starts to wave at them and they smile back. The parents giggle. she looks at them and wants to tell them to hold on to every moment, because you wake up one day and they are gone. she keeps this to herself……little bits of info now cloud her mind, “copy med. forms for tryouts, turn in prescriptions, make dinner, get home in time for the girls….”, the days minutia ruminating through her mind….”Was I a good enough Mother?” she thinks. she wonders. she hopes, but then is jarred to the present moment when she looks up to see his smile. “Let’s go Mom, I’m done.” He opens the door and waits for her to pass through. She looks at her watch, blinks her eyes, pressed the elevator button, and then they go….

feb. 28, 2007

lk


checking in~

February 24, 2007

warning: this is going to be very boring and only about my progress through FW this week. It’s kinda just a personal checklist….if you wanna see what I’m doing art wise, feel free to visit my blog, www.artjunk.typepad.com …otherwise, yawn on…xo Lia

 It’s been a nutty week, but continuing with FW has been foremost in my mind and actions. I only skipped one MP day, (I hit ground running kind of days). Anyhow, I found that I was much more productive this week. I know that writing morning pages has something to do with this. I’m not sure what it is, but it may have to do with the fact that writing out free flow brings clarity about things, eventually.

Second, when I write down something, I tend to commit to it more. I believe this is the same with most people.

I definitely focussed on better self care this week! success! I am eating healthier food, taking my vitamins and just started taking a flaxseed oil supplement….3 months after my nutritionist recommended it.

I have joint problems and I will dare to say that I believe it is helping! I put 2 tsp. of the liquid kind in some applesauce. It’s got those omega-3’s we need. Who knew something so easy to do (that I resisted) would make such a change.

I do tend to get a bit more task-oriented when I write alot though…I think this is a good thing, but I also think I need to take time to “play”. Speaking of play, I went on my artist date, but got called in the middle to pick up my dd at school b/c she was sick. that’s ok. I went out again 2 days later to book store to get new atc book by bernie berlin. Bad news is that someone backed into my car in the parking lot while I was inside. I was really angry about it. they really hit it hard too….near the tire. argh. It’s fixable though and I have to suck it up. Everyone here is healthy and safe and that is what is important.

so, other than the expensive artist’s date, I had a good week. Oh, didn’t do my walk, but I’ll work up to that this week. I’ve promised myself. A bit at a time.

Hope everyone did well. I will check in on blogs later today. xo Lia


Random thoughts on Chapter 1/week 1

February 19, 2007

Ok, I’ve been working my way through the first chapter. I’m almost done. JC’s books aren’t one’s I can whiz through. I like to read every quote on the side, etc. Although I like this book so far, and she still uses/explains the same principles of AW: mp’s, creativity contract, etc., I do think that the Artist’s Way is not a book to be missed either. I may get my AW out and kind of skim through it concurently. I believe that she elaborates on the key concepts of Morning Pages, artists dates, etc. more. This is useful for reinforcement as I think these are the key principles of reclaiming our creativity and/or just getting intouch with ourselves, our dreams, our visions and making them come to pass. 

Other thoughts:

1. The two words that keep going through my mind from signing the “creativity contract” are Self Care. This will prob. be the biggest area of committment for me during this 12 week course. Everyone has a different concept of what self-care entails. To me it’s not only being kinder to myself emotionally, but also just basic health care: proper diet, nutrition, rest, etc. I put these on the back burner alot. I have 4 kids. I regularly preside over making sure that they have their doctor appts., dental, eye, new contacts, glasses, shots, new clothes, equipment, getting phones and ipods and computers running smoothly, permission slips, money, etc. etc. etc. etc. I must confess that I do NOT do that for myself. I have a hard time doing those things for myself. I have an eye prob. that continues to bother me, but I have not gone back to the doctor. I went to a nutritionist, but I’m not taking the vitamins, I went to the dentist and got had paperwork sent into insurance to do some work, but I have not followed up or made an appointment. I got on a kick that I would “indulge” in the tooth whitening kit before having my work done, spent the money on it, got the custom trays and did it ONCE. It’s sitting in my cabinet. I occasionally put it on top of the sink to “remind” me….but I don’t do it. Why do I find it so hard to do this or why do I procrastinate about it, I don’t know. Maybe I will find out during this next 12 weeks, but this is something I need to work on. I signed a contract for “excellent self care”, hmmmm…before and after photos may be in order. LoL.

2. Key point from Week 1 that helped me last time and continues to help me is the “Show up AT THE PAGE” (p. 41) and I believe #1 in the “artist’s prayer” from the first book (which I will post a picture of here–I made a book mark tag with it). To this day, when I am procrastinating and I don’t know where to start, I hear these words…show up…just show up. Once you show up, that is half the battle. AT least for me it is.

So that’s my thoughts for the day. I will work on a list of self care items today. I did 1.5 morning pages this morning, I think this post was the rest….LK


first post

February 18, 2007

I cannot express how thrilled I was to scroll through the list of participants this morning and not only see some new friends, but the one’s I will never forget from Blogging The Artist’s Way together. Reading the Artist’s Way and Blogging it (with this very special and supportive group) made an indelible mark on my art journey and really “sealed” the deal for me as far as embacing my creative self. The first chapter, I believe, of the AW was so poignant to me as it basically described all the excuses, obstacles, and experiences I had that kept me from embracing my creative self. Julia Cameron’s principles are one’s I still try to live by. They are tried and true. I’m so happy that I finally said “yes” to myself, to life, to color. It’s been an awesome ride so far and I can only imagine that it will get better and better because art, like life is what you make of it.
Again, I am thrilled to be embarking on the “FINDING WATER” blog group and continuing to persevere with all of you in embracing, honoring and sharing our creative selves. Bring it on I say, bring it on! Let’s go! LK

p.s. Did my morning pages this morning and I didn’t even complain (I complained in them, but not about doing them. who knew?)


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February 18, 2007

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